Edward, My Immortal Section 4

Bella,
I love you.
I know it’s impossible to believe. I know I don’t deserve you anymore. As if I ever did deserve you, you being the wonderful, talented, beautiful young girl that you are. I’ve loved you. I always will love you. But no longer can I live with myself. I left you, love, because of my love for you. I wasn’t safe for you, and I knew you couldn’t love me. Bella, I’m a monster. Bella, I’ve killed people. Bella, Bella, Bella, Bella…I can’t live anymore. Not when I know that I’ll never see you again…oh, Bella…you don’t know the pain it’s caused me.
This isn’t a letter for you to feel guilty, Bella. It is the truth. I love you, and I loved the time I had with you. I am nothing without you, Bella. You are the one thing that I care about.
But you’re so much better off without me. You won’t have to be careful every second of your life just to make sure you don’t die. You don’t have to pretend to care more than you do. You can have normal friends, a normal boyfriend. You can get married. You can kiss your husband without fearing for your life. Bella, honey, you could die with me! Die, Bella! And I can’t let that happen, Bella.
Part of the reason I left you, love, although not the greatest, was for selfish purposes. I dreaded the day when you would run from me. Now I don’t have to deal with that. I couldn’t become closer to you, Bella. Impossible as it may seem, every day we grew closer. If we had gotten any closer, I…it would be that much harder for me to see you leave me.
If you have this now, Bella…then you’ll know I’m gone. And you’ll know I did it for you.
By now, you probably don’t care. But…darling, honey, sweetheart…Bella. Bella, the sweetest of all names! I want you to know that once, a vampire loved you. He loved you very, very much. More than anything. Someday, Bella, if Carlisle is right…I’ll see your face again. And I hope that you will take me back.
With all the love that I have to give,
Edward A. M. Cullen