Edward, My Immortal Section 2

               “Mom!” I screamed through the front door. “Esme!” I crashed through the doorway, stumbling down the hallway’s red carpet. Jasper, surprised, turned around in time to catch me before I fell to the floor. He grasped the entirety of the situation quickly.
“Oh…oh, Edward…” he whispered. “Oh, jeez, Edward…you really did it…Edward…you know…you know you did it…for her.”
“Jasper…” I growled. “I can’t do this! It’ll kill me. Already, I feel as if I’ve died. I can’t do this!” I eyed the room frantically, then grabbed a nearby dining room chair; it looked fairly sturdy. I gripped it tightly, then pulled it over my head and cracked it down on my skull. The impact caused me to collapse, shaking the floor. Jasper took the chair legs and pulled it away from my pathetic form, shaking on the ground.
“Ah, Edward. C’mon, bro! I mean, I know she’s important to you...”
“More important than anything,” I emphasized. Jasper coughed.
“Well, yes…wait, you mean more important than yourself?! I absolutely forbid you to kill yourself! No!” He was panicking now, wringing his hands and biting his lip. I lay on the floor by his feet, trembling. I pulled my legs in, and put my head between my knees. I glared at nothing in particular.
“Jasper, I won’t be able to live with myself. Nothing matters anymore…there’s nothing to care about anymore. I can’t do this! Either I give up now, or I die, Jasper! I can’t…”
“Edward, you’re wrong. You can. If you think it’s right for her…then you can do it.” He lowered his voice. “I’ve never known anyone stronger than you, Ed.” I looked up at him, shaking with the pain of it.
“Thanks, Jasper.” I said, not even attempting to sound like I meant it. I didn’t want to be strong enough.
Silence. Jasper turned on his heel without a sound. I should probably pack. Hang in there, Ed. We all care about you. Just you remember to take care of yourself.
I grimaced. Taking care of myself was the last thing I wanted to do at the moment.

“Dammit!” I muttered, reaching for the tiny silver phone that Carlisle had given me “Just in case” I wanted to call her…Bella…I collapsed on the bed. Again, I curled up, hugging my knees. This phone…it gave me the power to take back my life whenever I wanted to. And I did want to. But taking back my life would be taking away hers. I was ruining her future and her present. Her entire life. I was taking away what should be hers, and I couldn’t bear to do that any longer.
Without her, I felt so…empty. As I had told Jasper, I felt completely useless. I sure couldn’t find a use in me. The only thing that mattered now was my family. I was fairly sure that they would be saddened should I die. Still, I was wavering on the edge between suicide and a life without Bella. Suicide sounded very appealing when compared to the alternative. No matter how long I lived, I would never be able to ‘get over’ Bella. Her existence was permanent, whether she was present or not.

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase